25: The Year I Was Never Enough

I posted a video of myself singing a clip of a song called"Never Enough" from The Greatest Showman. If I'm going to be honest, not a lot of people liked the video or commented..and old familiar feelings  began to creep in, but I didn't give in. Sorry. Let me back track, so this will all make sense.

On September 6th 2017, I turned 25, and I entered one of the most self-defeating, emotionally-crushing, spiritually-foggy years of my life (thus far). I felt like I fell short in every area, and I tried to fix things,but it was never enough.

Physically As I shared in my previous blog post I have been struggling with my weight ,recently. I found myself utterly unhappy with my reflection in the mirror. So I did what I always did, I became diligent about going to the gym and working out. Yet, I still wasn't seeing the results I had hoped for. Thus, I found myself entertaining thoughts of weight-loss methods that I knew were unhealthy, but I was desperate. I was frustrated bec…

Weight and Body Image

You guys know how I thoroughly enjoy writing blog posts about lessons I've learned, and things the Lord has brought me through? Yeah? WELP, this ISNT one of those. This is one of the, "I am literally in the midst of this issue right now, and just about ten minutes ago I was having unhealthy thoughts towards myself", so...if you were hoping to read a blog post about how I've overcome my struggle with weight and body image issues...sorry, but this isn't that.

I would love to start from the very beginning, except I have no idea where that is. Throughout the years my weight has fluctuated, within about 10-15 lbs, depending on the season of life. Usually, during life transitions I either gain, or lose weight, until I stabilize to my normal weight. For example in college during freshman year, I gained about..15 lbs (Freshman 15 anyone?), that eventually stabilized back to normal. 

Then around the time when Khory and I were dating, I ended up losing weight, and going ba…

Draft Series: When Our Relationship Almost Ended

Originally Drafted: 5.24.2015

So, this week my relationship with my boyfriend, Khory, almost ended. 
You're all probably wondering what happened (and if you're not, I'm going to tell you anyway). So if you've been reading my blog for any amount of time, or if you know me well enough, it shouldn't  be a surprise to you that fear is something that I struggle with...big time. From the fear of the future to the  fear of getting it wrong... let's just say I have a plethora of apprehensions when I think about my life. So let me set the stage for my story:
Between last weekend and this week I have been hearing a lot of stories of people in failed relationships. People who have dealt with hurt and brokenness and pain, on a real---REAL level. People who love God. Better yet, people who God loves. And so, instead of listening to these stories and bringing them before the Lord, what did I do? I hoarded them in my heart, right next to my pile of insecurities and doubts. 

So …

Draft series: 7th grade stalker

Draft date :11/8/2016

I was stalked... for a little while in 7th grade. Okay, maybe stalked is too serious of a term to call it, since the boy and I attended the same school, but, well...I felt stalked. You see, I didn't know this young man. All I remember is that he saw me at some point, and decided he wanted to get to know me. My middle school had a special building for the magnet students (BEAT Kids...don't let me get started on that), and it was on the other side of the school from where the other students were located. I don't remember the specifics of how often he followed me, but I remember a specific day when I was picked up late.

Most my friends had already left and I was still waiting to be picked up. And guess who appears? Yup, him. The young man who has been randomly popping up in places that I was. And so, having encountered me alone, with no one around. He finally asked the question he wanted to ask:

"Can I enjoy you?"

That was his question, guys. N…

Being Famous

This is one of those blog posts, that I have no idea if I will ever publish.* 
You see, if I'm going to be truly honest and transparent with you guys, for a long time I have had the desire to be famous. 
I feel so lame admitting that.  I feel so lame admitting that. 
I just recently had to come to that reality with  myself as cheesy and corny as it sounds. You see, I've probably never (or very rarely) said the words " I want to be famous", but I've definitely had a desire to have a huge platform, and be in Hollywood and boldly proclaim Jesus and His amazing love. I don't think this is inherently a bad desire, and I still have a passion for proclaiming Truth in an environment that in many ways is so blinded by darkness and deception. In all honesty though, although this was a desire of mine, I never did pursue fame....not for long at least (I was pretty gung-ho about being a Disney Chanel star in middle school..but then again..who wasn't?). Lol.
Lately howev…

Dear Younger Me

Dear Diana,

    Breathe. No really. I mean it. Take this moment, and breathe. Intentionally. I know you're afraid, and you are soooo scared that you'll "mess things up." Let me remind you of one small detail (this is sarcasm, I know you hardly use it), God is God and He is for you. You're not somehow going to ruin the plan He has for your life, so just breathe and trust in His sovereignty. Let me break things down for you based on the things you're probably concerned about.

Faith   Php 1:6 is going to be one of your favorite verses. "Being confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will continue it until the day of Jesus Christ". "He who calls you is faithful, He will surely do it" (I Thess 5:24). You'll learn to trust these promises and hold on to them, especially in seasons when everything around you seems to be crumbling. When your self-righteousness fails, and it will, Jesus will be faithful to open your eye…

God is Kind

Lately God has been teaching me more about His character. He has been showing me that He is kind. Simple enough right? WRONG!lol, I mean conceptually I always knew God to be kind, but I didn't actively think about that attribute of His. I usually think of His faithfulness, steadfast love, or creativity, etc, but not so much His kindness. Now, let me be honest, kind isn't a word I use very often, or one that I even hear very often. Let me explain the contexts I've heard the word kind before.

Kind eyes I remember when KP and I were dating, and people would tell me that he had "kind eyes". I came to find out that what people meant was that his eyes seemed to define him as a genuine, warm, and honest person. Yes.Yes. and Yes All good things, all good things (did i just quote Olaf?)

"Be kind" I'm pretty sure I've said this phrase to our little one, and I have  probably heard other parents tell their children this, it's usually accompanied by a less…